Having the Wedding of Your Dreams in Eight Easy Steps
By Staff Writer
Being a bride can be one of the most thrilling of life's experiences. From the moment the ring is on your finger, you become transformed into the heroine of a real-life fairy tale. Your Prince Charming has arrived, and you can rest easy knowing that you're one of the lucky ones who will live happily ever after. At least, that's what you think you're supposed to feel like. The real experience can be quite a bit different, and that's a good thing.
My wedding experience has been (and continues to be) somewhat different than what the reality TV shows and bridal magazines depict. I have not a) had a meltdown, b) felt okay with dropping lots of money for what is, essentially, an overblown party, or c) felt in any way more special than I did before I had a ring on my left hand. In fact, I've felt so out of sync with the wedding industry that I've almost given up things I truly wanted for things I thought I was supposed to want.
If you've been feeling like perhaps you're not excited enough or simply aren't thrilled by the thought of choosing centerpieces, you're not the only one. While the big day hasn't happened yet, I've already been through a whirlwind of emotions and emerged on the other side, having decided to have *my* dream wedding, and not what anyone else tells me is my dream. Here's my humble advice for brides-to-be who are questioning the hype.
1. Don't feel like you have to show off.Many people relish the thought of finally getting to show everyone how classy, elegant, or creative they are through their wedding. However, if you're not one of them, you may end up feeling weird, like a fish out of water. Vendors will show you decorations, food, and entertainment that are designed to elicit "oohs," "ahhs," and murmured approvals from your guests. When you suggest something simpler, you may get sidelong looks and you may even worry about coming off as cheap. The trick is not to sweat it. Just because this is one of the few chances you'll ever have to show off, that doesn't mean you have to take the bait. Stick with what you like, not what someone else considers "impressive."
2. Worrying about personalizing every detail will only make you crazy.Somewhere in the mid-'90s, it became cool to personalize many aspects of your wedding. From the first dance to the invitations, the trappings of a wedding offer endless chances to show off your unique style. As a result, it can be hard to draw the line on how much personalization is too much. To prevent "see-how-unique-I-am" overload on the guest end and mental exhaustion on yours, stick to a few important details. For example, one detail that I was hellbent on having was stephanotis in my bouquet; it was in my mother's bouquet and it symbolizes a happy marriage. I simply *had* to have it--it honestly matters to me. On the other hand, I couldn't have cared less about the cake, so I didn't stress about it or try to find some fresh approach. Think of it this way: everyone in attendance already knows your personality; they're not going to change their opinion of you based on the table linens, so it's not worth your time and energy to track down something that's wonderfully special. Use that energy somewhere else.
3. If your dream isn't big or fancy, it's okay.I actually had a near breakdown when choosing my wedding dress. As a fashion addict, I knew I wanted something unique and wonderful; I just wasn't expecting to find it accidentally on a random trip to a department store, without my mom, my bridesmaids, or anyone beyond the saleswoman. Even though I loved the dress and it fit near perfectly, I had my doubts, and my mom did as well, simply because it all seemed too easy. After heading to a handful of bridal stores that were a headache and finding dresses that were very nice but not jaw-dropping, we finally had a heart-to-heart about the "cheap" dress. We debated whether we were buying into the idea that I needed something special and expensive or whether I was doing the opposite and simply settling because I felt guilty about spending hundreds on a dress. During that talk, I officially choose the original dress, because I loved it and I could see myself having a fabulous day in it. However, the entire situation opened our eyes to how much the bridal industry encourages women to go all out--to the point where buying something simple and cheap yet perfectly gorgeous seems like a potential mistake. The bottom line is to go with what you love, even if it doesn't conform to the glamorous, expensive "wedding" image; if you love it, you won't regret it later. However, buying something more expensive or fancy just to appease the "what ifs" might be a major regret.
4. His opinion counts, but so does yours.With so many details to decide, it's no surprise that they won't all matter to you. However, that doesn't mean you should always take a backseat on them. It can be easy to fall into the trap of "it's my day, so I make the calls," but it's also too easy to let your fiance make all the decisions that aren't vital to you. Keep in mind that this is going to be the first official day of your lives together; don't let your opinion (be it ever so slight) to get lost in the shuffle. Speak up about what you want and don't want, and make sure that your groom-to-be does the same. You'll both end up happy with the results, and you'll have weathered one of your first major trials together.
5. Let the experts do what you're paying them to do.A lot of brides get caught up in making every detail of the wedding day "perfect." Don't; it's a surefire way to be irritable and grumpy for the entire planning period. Remember that they've done this before, and that it's okay to defer to professionals on many matters. Instead of micro-managing each course or side dish, ask the caterer what combinations have been crowd-pleasers in the past--and then trust them. However, do make sure that you work with reputable vendors that have lots of positive recommendations. That way, you can be sure that the details will be handled properly and professionally--and without your constant help.
6. Spend money where it matters.Face it: you have a budget. Even if you've given yourself carte blanche, you've got better places to spend your money (think home, honeymoon, and retirement funds). Staying within your given budget doesn't mean that everything has to look cheap or that you have to compromise on most items. All you have to do is spend in the *right* places. Things that last, like photographs and rings, deserve a bigger chunk of your budget than things that are essentially throwaways (like embossed napkins). By the same token, items that have an impact on the success of the overall day, like a quality DJ, delicious food, or a fantastic venue often merit a more expensive cost. When you've splurged for quality on the big things, your guests are less likely to notice (or care about) the smaller details, such as the china or the favors.
7. Constantly maintain your perspective.One of the most important questions you can ask yourself while planning is, "Will I care in 10 years?" If the answer is anything but an affirmative yes, let it go. Do we need an upgraded aisle runner? If you don't think you'll even remember you had an aisle runner in the first place, then your answer is no. However, if you're dead-set on having heirloom wedding pictures to pass on for generations, then your answer to the 10-year question will probably be a resounding yes when it comes to choosing a photographer. If you ask yourself this question before making wedding decisions, you won't have any problems with staying focused on what matters and letting go of non-essentials.
8. Remember your dreams.Did you dream about getting married when you were younger (or even just a few days before the proposal)? Think of the images you had in your mind. What stands out? Was it the dress? The gorgeous garden setting? The men in traditional kilts? If those stand-out details still make you wistful, then they're probably vital components of your dream wedding. Beg, borrow, or splurge on these items (within reason, of course). However, if your visions never had a specific flower, a horse-drawn carriage, or a 10-layer wedding cake, then these probably aren't essential to your dream wedding. Don't let anyone else tell you that you simply "must have" a certain kind of centerpiece, bouquet, or dress if that's not part of your ideal ceremony or reception. By remembering your early dreams and fantasies, you can stay focused on the aspects of the wedding that truly mean something to you.
While not all of these tips may apply to your situation, I encourage you to keep the overall spirit alive in your thoughts as you plan. Your dream wedding is just that--yours. If that means that it's less fancy or expensive or original as others', that's not a problem. Chances are, you're probably focused on the right things and it's making your planning easier and more fun. The best part? It'll show on your actual wedding day when you're smiling and happy instead of inspecting the linens and harassing the caterer.
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