What to Do When You Meet the Parents
Meeting the parents has always been stressful. Ben Stiller and Robert DeNiro haven’t eased anyone’s mind, either. Most likely you want to make a great impression, but you’d probably be satisfied with not getting spinach stuck in your teeth or breaking anything. The most important thing you can probably do is to stay relaxed and just be yourself—at least that’s what every expert and magazine article would have you believe. In the real world, though, you’re probably going to be nervous as hell with that first handshake. With that reality check in mind, take the following tips to heart—if you’re prepared, you can feel as confident as possible and make that sparkling impression you’ve hoped for.
Bring a gift. Don’t bring anything too big, fancy, or expensive, but a small token shows that you have uncommonly good manners and that you care about the occasion. In short, it’s a sign of respect. Good gift options include a bottle of wine, something for dessert, or even better, something home-baked. (Try our recipe for easy home-baked cookies—it’s awesome!) Bad gift ideas include home décor items (they’ll probably feel obligated to display it even if it’s not their style), anything too personal (like bath salts), or anything extravagant (like a massage gift certificate).
Shake hands with confidence. As business people of all stripes know, a handshake says a lot. Don’t shake like a dead fish—it’s a great way to put people off and seem like a flake. Shake with a firm hand and look directly at the other person while you do it. It’s that simple, and it can make a huge difference in terms of first impressions.
Compliment your partner. Most likely, your partner’s parents are incredibly proud of them. By complimenting your loved one when you meet the parents, not only can you show that you truly care for them, but you’re also complimenting the ‘rents on raising a wonderful person. And, after all, social experts have always said that the best way to get people to like you is to compliment them. (Yes, it’s really that easy.) Success at work, special skills (like cooking or auto maintenance), and personal traits (like a caring attitude or patience) are all good things to highlight. Compliments to avoid include overly intimate qualities (their skill as a lover is definitely off-limits) and topics that are typically not parent-friendly (anything involving drinking is a great example).
Stay away from controversial topics when meeting the parents. As you’ve been told for years, don’t discuss politics and religion if don’t want to get into an argument. If any such topics come up in conversation, feel free to answer briefly, but don’t get sucked into a serious debate or discussion. Even if it seems kosher, it’s always a good idea to wait until you know the parents better to dive into such heady territory. If you’re asked a direct question that you’d prefer not to answer, reply with, “A wise person once told me to not to discuss that topic, and I’m going to stick with that advice.” Say with a serious face and you’ll seem like a downer; say it with a smile and you’ll seem like you have common sense beyond your years.
So, stick with these tips and you can avoid any serious social potholes. Most of all, listen to what others have to say and remember to smile. As old-fashioned as it may sound, a good listener with a sincere smile is hard to find fault with. Lastly, no matter how it goes, your partner’s opinion is what matters, so don’t stress too much about what the parents think. If they know that you and your partner love and respect each other, they’re sure to warm to you.
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